ALMOST PORN

ALMOST PORN. THE LAST FRONTIER OF SEX.  –   by Brandpowder  ©  2013.

Let’s admit it. Porn has said it all. It’s repetitive, patterned, out-of-date, monotonous, trite, prosaic, insipid, self-quoting, in one word: Boring! The maximum variation you can expect from any given story ranges from “hmm, ah, hmm, ah, yes, yes!” to “hmm, ah, hmm, ah, da, da!”  or “ja, ja!” or “hongu, hongu!” depending on whether the film was shot in America, Russia, Germany or Zimbabwe. The rest is just a ‘clash of flesh’ that is just a grotesque parade, a sad mirror of our depleted of fantasy.

A study conducted by the University of Montreal found out that 100% of male population in their twenties watches porn, with an average ranging between 20 and 40 minutes a week (the difference being between the engaged and the single). The word “Sex” comes third after music and travel in search engines’ query, only because people look for sex under an endless list of synonyms, including ‘cuddling’. This is more a sign of a malady than a success. The paradox is that bored people turn to porn which, in its fake excitement, is even more boring. Porn is producing 4o% of the so-called “information overload”on the web – a wave of smut that is destroying the meaning of love and eros, and submerging our own dignity. In a visually inundated society, the satiated eye isn’t imaginative anymore. Everybody’s brain, today, is as full as a tick!

No way out, apparently.  But then, once again, the Brandpowder Team came up with a brilliant alternative.  Always ready to fight fake myths and to improve the overall quality of life on the planet, Brandpowder triggered a counter-culture to porn.  BIG COCK SMALL PUSSY is a film company specialized in “almost porn” movies. Films where, no matter all the favorable circumstances you’d usually expect as a prelude to a steamy hot conclusion, nothing hot ever happens. Every story remains clean, suspended and unconsumed and its lack of sex makes it suitable to all audiences.

The first film is called “Bad Girls Must Be Punished” (below). It stages two young schoolgirls who haven’t performed too well at College. Their teacher, a handsome man halfway between a lifeguard and a bodybuilder, is very disappointed. The girls play with their miniskirts and ask him if there’s anything they can do to recuperate their bad grades. The teacher tells the two spoiled brats they need to learn a good lesson in discipline. They smile at him with complicity but they are not getting the point, evidently. The teacher tells them they must repeat the year! End of the story.

“Devasted by the Plumber” (below) is another short where a lonely housewife wearing sexy lingerie as if it were the most natural outfit for everyday’s chores, calls the plumber to fix the washing machine. A black guy shows up and gives a quick glimpse at the lady. He knows how to fix the leak straight away. That’s a man’s job. The rest of the movie, quite interestingly,  concentrates on the nuts and bolts of hydraulic repairs, making it also a useful manual for household’s maintenance. At the end, the black guy presents the bill and that’s when the lady looks truly devastated. That’s not possible! Three hundred dollars to fix a leak?

“My Husband is a Lesbian” follows an intriguing plot: a married couple is spending their holidays at the beach. She’s a wannabe intellectual who, after reading Aristotle’s Theory of the Syllogism, tries to apply theory to practice. She speculates about her dull husband who, in the meantime, kills time watching younger babes on the beach. The wife’s lousy mumbling follows a crooked path: “Women who like women are lesbians. Women are human beings. Also men are human beings. Therefore, if my husby likes women, may be he’s a lesbian too…” This movie, of course, is aimed to people who like the Ingmar Bergman’s style.

(Three pictures below) : every BIG COCK SMALL PUSSY film comes in a luxury golden case, complete with authentication stamp and introductory booklet that makes it a collector’s must. Graphic design and illustration are by Carlo Muttoni and Monica Turlot, of the Brandpowder Team.

“The Overscrupulous Secretary” (below) stages a stunning girl whose humble job is mainly of the under-desk type. In fact she spends most of her working time picking up stuff her clumsy boss drops on the floor: pencils, pens, ipads… The boss is always on the phone, saying trivial things like: “You are doing a great job!” or “I want you to get it all!”. The secretary, in the end, re-surfaces with all the things she collected from the carpet, but we are not going to reveal the full story.

(Below): “So Innocent and So Dumb”, as you have already guessed, is an unnerving comedy about innocence and stupidity. A young country girl raised in a Midwest’s farm, receives a visit from her cousin, a young man from New York City (where else?). The city guy tries to take advantage of her purity but he won’t be able to get what he’s looking for. The farm girl raises his expectations when she asks him if he would like to see her little ass. He gets very excited. He doesn’t know, yet, he will go back to New York empty-handed.

 

Every BCSP movie is a disappointment to those who can’t wait to see the beef but, at the same time, a way to re-think ourselves, may be getting rid of our dependance on technology and the sluggish excitement of its visual drugs. The stories are very funny, anyways, and sometimes nothing is better than a good laugh. The Brandpowder Team is currently working – full steam – at new episodes and stories. BIG COCK SMALL PUSSY is opening soon a new, dedicated website where you’ll have access to all content and gadgets. Stay tuned!

PS: This article was going to end up with the line “A new star is porn” but, in the end, we thought the pun was not new, and we opted for something more sober.

SMILE AND DIE.

Charles Inottum has been studying bones all his life. The topic is unusual and interesting, but what makes it also intriguing is the fact Mr. Inottum is not a scientist but a philosopher. His almost naive dedication to the subject unearthed some controversial and, sometimes, creepy theories.  The bone-white brilliance of his reasoning, so far, has only been balanced by the obscurity of his persona. Most of his books are still unknown or unpublished. Which is a pity, given the originality of his ideas and the extravagant, random poetry of his writing. So, when Mr. Inottum showed up at the Brandpowder Studios asking for help, we truly did our best to promote his work.

Opening picture (top): Poster for the premiere of “The Visibile Skeleton”, an essay on the multiple metaphors of teeth: in the foreword the author suggests that “every time we smile, the only visible part of our skeleton comes to surface. Teeth are the epiphany of death and there is nothing to laugh about it.  At ancestral level, back to the primordial  night, man was certainly more hunted than hunter. The moonlighted teeth coming out of darkenss represented the fear of the wild beast, its power to inflict death by tearing human flesh apart.”

Below: “At The Roots of Laughter and Pain”. In this book Mr. Inottum speculates about the ambiguity of joy and sorrow saying that, at the very bottom, they are the same thing. Teeth are, again, central to his theories. He compares them to “enamel trees building a fence around the lying tongue, placing tenacious roots into the bed rock of blabbering jaws.”

“Fight, Feed, Fuck” is perhaps the most controversial book by Charles Inottum. The idea, here, is that the body can be imagined in three sections, or Mouths. Each one is specialised in one activity, indispensable for our survival. The three “F”s represent our need to Fight, to Feed (ourselves and our offspring) and to Fuck (for reproduction). We suggested the author to change this last word, a bit too graphic in our opinion, but he insisted to keep it: “it helps people to fix the concept”. The original work included also a section dedicated to Fugue, another key element for survival. Fugue, allegedly, is associated with the anus, which is a back-mouth. This explains why animals, before running for their life, literally  empty their bowels in order to be lighter and faster. The way of saying “I’m shitting in my pants” is also a reminder of this biological trick.

Below: concealed weapons. Charles Inottum speaks often of  “latent aggressivity” as a natural and permanent state of mind of human beings. We think we are civilized and in control of our emotions but, at the very bottom, we are wolves disguised as sheep.

COMING SOON:  “Sex and Bones”.  Charles Inottum’s new book, due to come out next January, starts with a provocation: how about if we look at lingerie as an extra layer of bones? Isn’t it an exoskeleton, after all? The author argues that female seduction, as a strategy, finds in lingerie not precisely a weapon but an elegant self defense. In other words: every piece of corsetry mimicks the inner skeleton (corsets were made of whalebones). We asked Mr. Inottum why should we be allured by such scary symbol, and he told us men are attracted by danger and fear. Lingerie, to him, is not a playful, sexy thing. It is imago mortis.

Below: The way of saying “dressed to kill” is revealing for Mr. Inottum. Behind every courtship leading to carnal knowledge there is an intricate world of symbols. White lingerie is linked to the bone. And probably to the boner.

Above: this bustier is reproducing the interwoven complexity of tendons, muscles and bones. Inottum thinks the visible skeleton is a haunting presence, and he wonders why people refuse to see such evidence.

Below: Skin Deep? This tattoo tries to get underneath. But alas! – says Inottum – the exploration is not exactly reaching the inner body but only a scientific representation of it. Probably this is an unconscious, failed attempt to open up and reveal what’s inside.

Above: “Rose” by Christophe Gilbert. Once again, according to Mr. Inottum, the flesh is a thin coat of paint, a fragile membrane that barely holds us together. The body is filled with flowers, an unconscious allusion to antique embalming.

Above:  Dissolving Beauty. In this case, the skeleton becomes the ornament.

Queen. A black card from Gareth Hedges’ album (author is unknown).
Above: teeth are the hardest and most durable part of our body, a mixture of dentine and enamel. To anthropologists in the distant future – Mr. Inottum says –  a molar will provide all sort of information about the way we lived and loved.

According to the author, moose’s bones are the living proof that horns and teeth are strictly connected. Their evolution is linked, again, to the three “F”s theory.

Above and Below: Mechanical and Make up. The mouth opens to a whole range of interpretations and Inottum, like an enthusiastic writer-dentist, can’t wait to plunge into deep analysis, coming out with always unexpected answers.

Above: two images by Jason Freeny. The artist creates hilarious supporting structures inside objects, characters and everyday’s icons. The Empty Society, according to Charles Inottum, digs into the void, desperately seeking for a soul.  What we are left with, in the end, is just a smiling skeleton, a handful of bones.

Below: the way of saying “are you nuts?” is well interpreted by this sweet treat (or trick?). The similarity between brains and walnuts – Inottum explains – is not coincidence, but a clear sign of a vegetative state of mind.

The Brandpowder Team.

A SYMMETRY

Above: the first law of false symmetry says that, in order to by symmetric, the two statements should say the same thing: symmetry, as a word, is asymmetric like the term asymmetry. So it’s symmetric in the end result of the sentence, but it can’t be symmetric in meaning.

Body of evidence.

Vintage Alien.

Stand up for your rights.

Sportsaucer.

Doublekinky.

The yippie’s midlife crisis.

Suspended.

.LapisipaL.

Going nowhere.

Above: few examples of false symmetry developed by the Brandpowder Studio. For this essay, just out of curiosity, we asked two twins to work at their computer in front of a mirror. The experiment didn’t bring any particular result, though.

Below: the second law of false symmetry says that, in order to by symmetric, the two statements should say the same thing: symmetry, as a word, is asymmetric like the term asymmetry. So it’s symmetric in the end result of the sentence, but it can’t be symmetric in meaning. Please note that, for a matter of coherence, the second law is identical, but not symmetric to the first one, confirming the theory of false symmetry.

ZIP THIS!

Top: Gideon Sundback, inventor of the zip (…you mean, the postal code?)

We’d like to pay a tribute to Gideon Sundback, the man who invented the zip, a device that beautifully separates and joins not only two pieces of fabric, but reveals a whole world of things, opening up and closing, showing and concealing, freeing and restraining both flesh and spirit, and the fireworks of fantasy.

“Thank you Gideon!” for your ’embroidered’ drawings of the 1917 patent (above). Inventions like this were a mix of technology and poetry. The etiquette, in such official documents, dictated meticolous handwriting, reflecting a sense of brainy elegance and aesthetic discipline.

“Thank you Gideon!” for opening (and closing) a new path in history.

“Thank you Gideon!” We couldn’t exist without you (The Cat Women).

“Thank you Gideon!”. The Shut Up logo (courtesy caoazul.com)

“Thank you Gideon!” Politicians should wear this on campaign. (The voters).

“Thank you Gideon!” for letting me properly torture women’s feet. (Loboutin).

“Thank you Gideon!” because shorts must be short, but never short of zips.

“Thank you Gideon!” for filling another gap in the fashion industry.

“Thank you Gideon!” for giving a ‘time-poor” society a chance for quick love.

The monster was stitched together by hand. B-movies show zips on his head and neck, but this is an historic false. Frankestein was written by a 19-year old Mary Shelley in 1817, exactly one hundred years before Gideon Sundback’s invention.

” °°°° you, Gideon!”. The button.

FERTILIZER BANALIZER

The 1930’s are back.  Music, design, food, fashion and lifestyle are discovering the golden decade which, between two wars, was able to produce the very best in everything. Since we are approaching a new Depression, let’s get ready for a crisis-driven creativity. The best books have been wrtitten during the war, as well as the most outstanding ideas came out when human talent was not distracted by that thing that was once described as the ‘fertilizer-banalizer’: MONEY.