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ALMOST PORN. THE LAST FRONTIER OF SEX.  –   by Brandpowder  ©  2013.

Let’s admit it. Porn has said it all. It’s repetitive, patterned, out-of-date, monotonous, trite, prosaic, insipid, self-quoting, in one word: Boring! The maximum variation you can expect from any given story ranges from “hmm, ah, hmm, ah, yes, yes!” to “hmm, ah, hmm, ah, da, da!”  or “ja, ja!” or “hongu, hongu!” depending on whether the film was shot in America, Russia, Germany or Zimbabwe. The rest is just a ‘clash of flesh’ that is just a grotesque parade, a sad mirror of our depleted of fantasy.

A study conducted by the University of Montreal found out that 100% of male population in their twenties watches porn, with an average ranging between 20 and 40 minutes a week (the difference being between the engaged and the single). The word “Sex” comes third after music and travel in search engines’ query, only because people look for sex under an endless list of synonyms, including ‘cuddling’. This is more a sign of a malady than a success. The paradox is that bored people turn to porn which, in its fake excitement, is even more boring. Porn is producing 4o% of the so-called “information overload”on the web – a wave of smut that is destroying the meaning of love and eros, and submerging our own dignity. In a visually inundated society, the satiated eye isn’t imaginative anymore. Everybody’s brain, today, is as full as a tick!

No way out, apparently.  But then, once again, the Brandpowder Team came up with a brilliant alternative.  Always ready to fight fake myths and to improve the overall quality of life on the planet, Brandpowder triggered a counter-culture to porn.  BIG COCK SMALL PUSSY is a film company specialized in “almost porn” movies. Films where, no matter all the favorable circumstances you’d usually expect as a prelude to a steamy hot conclusion, nothing hot ever happens. Every story remains clean, suspended and unconsumed and its lack of sex makes it suitable to all audiences.

The first film is called “Bad Girls Must Be Punished” (below). It stages two young schoolgirls who haven’t performed too well at College. Their teacher, a handsome man halfway between a lifeguard and a bodybuilder, is very disappointed. The girls play with their miniskirts and ask him if there’s anything they can do to recuperate their bad grades. The teacher tells the two spoiled brats they need to learn a good lesson in discipline. They smile at him with complicity but they are not getting the point, evidently. The teacher tells them they must repeat the year! End of the story.


“Devasted by the Plumber” (below) is another short where a lonely housewife wearing sexy lingerie as if it were the most natural outfit for everyday’s chores, calls the plumber to fix the washing machine. A black guy shows up and gives a quick glimpse at the lady. He knows how to fix the leak straight away. That’s a man’s job. The rest of the movie, quite interestingly,  concentrates on the nuts and bolts of hydraulic repairs, making it also a useful manual for household’s maintenance. At the end, the black guy presents the bill and that’s when the lady looks truly devastated. That’s not possible! Three hundred dollars to fix a leak?


“My Husband is a Lesbian” follows an intriguing plot: a married couple is spending their holidays at the beach. She’s a wannabe intellectual who, after reading Aristotle’s Theory of the Syllogism, tries to apply theory to practice. She speculates about her dull husband who, in the meantime, kills time watching younger babes on the beach. The wife’s lousy mumbling follows a crooked path: “Women who like women are lesbians. Women are human beings. Also men are human beings. Therefore, if my husby likes women, may be he’s a lesbian too…” This movie, of course, is aimed to people who like the Ingmar Bergman’s style.


(Three pictures below) : every BIG COCK SMALL PUSSY film comes in a luxury golden case, complete with authentication stamp and introductory booklet that makes it a collector’s must. Graphic design and illustration are by Carlo Muttoni and Monica Turlot, of the Brandpowder Team.

gold dvd

timbro BCSP

page booklet copia

“The Overscrupulous Secretary” (below) stages a stunning girl whose humble job is mainly of the under-desk type. In fact she spends most of her working time picking up stuff her clumsy boss drops on the floor: pencils, pens, ipads… The boss is always on the phone, saying trivial things like: “You are doing a great job!” or “I want you to get it all!”. The secretary, in the end, re-surfaces with all the things she collected from the carpet, but we are not going to reveal the full story.


(Below): “So Innocent and So Dumb”, as you have already guessed, is an unnerving comedy about innocence and stupidity. A young country girl raised in a Midwest’s farm, receives a visit from her cousin, a young man from New York City (where else?). The city guy tries to take advantage of her purity but he won’t be able to get what he’s looking for. The farm girl raises his expectations when she asks him if he would like to see her little ass. He gets very excited. He doesn’t know, yet, he will go back to New York empty-handed.




Every BCSP movie is a disappointment to those who can’t wait to see the beef but, at the same time, a way to re-think ourselves, may be getting rid of our dependance on technology and the sluggish excitement of its visual drugs. The stories are very funny, anyways, and sometimes nothing is better than a good laugh. The Brandpowder Team is currently working – full steam – at new episodes and stories. BIG COCK SMALL PUSSY is opening soon a new, dedicated website where you’ll have access to all content and gadgets. Stay tuned!

PS: This article was going to end up with the line “A new star is porn” but, in the end, we thought the pun was not new, and we opted for something more sober.


May be somebody didn’t notice it yet, but the world is upsidedown.  Technology is God and gadgets are the lesser deities of His wireless Pantheon. Medicine replaced Spirituality, and Plastic Surgery is saluted as the triumph of rubber over flesh. Mediocrity is praised whilst excellence is squashed. Sentimental Ecology and Vegeterianism are fabricated alibis, an excuse to revitalize a rotten economy and boost, once again, foolish Consumerism. In such devastated geography there is no land for the soul, not a mountain top where to enjoy a clear vision of things. So, what’s next for the noble spirit? Voluntary Extinction, i.e. the inalienable right to get out of the System, once and for all. If you think about it, the free choice not to be part of this world, the silent obliteration of the self, bears an aesthetic value that finds a correspondance in Nature. The dodo was a big, wingless bird endemic to the Mauritius Island. He fed on fruits and had no predators to worry about. He was a happy, fat dude, the dodo. Tradition wants that when the Dutch landed on the island at the beginning of 1600, many birds fell prey of their dogs, or were exterminated by hunters. But this is not true. Dodologists of the Brandpowder Empirical Team found out dodos voluntarily opted for extinction, out of disgust for the cruel, vulgar and unconsiderate behavior of humans. The Dodo Movement, inspired by this act of noble self immolation, started as a new philosophy of passive action that is now conquering (and at the same time losing) more and more acolytes. The fantastic paradox of the Dodo Movement is that, the very same moment you decide to be part of it, you are out of it.

Above: one of the charts of the Dodo Movement, mapping threatened or already extincted human characters.

Below: the Dodo Movement is self-sustainable thanks to a brilliant marketing strategy. So, If you feel one of a kind, a very special person who doesn’t belong to the Dark Age of Post-Postmodernism, buy a Dodo t-shirt. Part of the money will be used to kidnap overweight turkeys from American Thanksgiving Farms, to be introduced in the Mauritius Islands in order to replace the much missed dodos.


Oil prices are going to grow steadily in the near future. Nuclear power, after Japan, will be turned off, and what we are left with is just a fistful of alternative sources lke solar panels, hydroelectric dams and – well –  Earth Wind & Fire, which is probably the most efficient of the three. Fortunately there are smart people with big ideas who come at our rescue. What follows might seem crazy but it’s not: it’s called FartWind, and it’s so hot that you will hear more and more about it in the future. At least until they find a way to turn down the volume.